Written by: Susan Granger
www.susangranger.com

There's a reason this comedy was not screened for critics; it's so bad that the producers obviously hoped that unsuspecting kids will give it a go - at least until word gets out how bad it is.

Gus (Rob Schneider), an athletic landscaper, joins up with Richie (David Spade), a video-store geek who has never had a date and lives with his agoraphobic brother, Clark (Jon Heder), a nose-picking momma's boy who - at age 25 - is still delivering newspapers on his bike, to form a three-man team to challenge and trounce neighborhood bullies whom they catch tormenting and intimidating hapless kids at the practice field. When the wealthy father (Jon Lovitz) of one of the victims learns what happened, he offers not only to hire baseball pro Reggie Jackson to train the trio but also to bankroll a tournament in which the underdogs can teach a lesson to other similarly abusive Little Leaguers and their coaches. That leads to a high-stakes game.

Sounds like "Bad News Bears" revisited, right? Wrong. Under Dennis Dugan's lazy, lackluster direction, the actors flounder. They should have stayed on the bench, particularly when they're outperformed by a robot, a Darth Vader security system and the car from the TV show "Knight Rider."

In addition, there's a stultifying repetitiveness to the stupid slapstick vulgarity, including gay strip poker and hermaphrodite gags, along with farting, vomit and booger jokes. Plus, the lessons learned are some you don't want your children repeating. Like when the trio learns timing by swinging a bat from the back of a truck and knocking down mailboxes.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "The Benchwarmers" strikes out with a 1, except at Pizza Hut, which must be thrilled with its product placements.