Despite urging from political consultant James Carville, one wonders why writer/director Steven Zaillian chose to re-make the Oscar-winning “All the King’s Men” (1949), adapting Robert Penn Warren’s novel about a corrupt Southern governor, Willie Stark, obviously based on Louisiana’s Huey P. Long – and then miscast it so completely.

Coming from cracker country, flamboyant redneck politician Willie Stark (Sean Penn) had a knack for becoming legendary; he could not be ignored. So when the local party boss (James Gandolfini) made him a sacrificial sap running for Governor, Stark stunned and electrified the masses, becoming a powerful demagogue.

Meanwhile, back in the aristocratic bayou country, there’s this journalist (Jude Law) trapped by a romantic delusion involving the daughter (Kate Winslet) of a prominent judge (Anthony Hopkins) and a lifelong friendship with her melancholy, idealistic brother (Mark Ruffalo). These diverse characters are on a convoluted collision course of bribery and blackmail.

Since wiry Sean Penn bears no physical resemblance to the stocky Long, he energetically compensates with angry, defiant rhetoric. While Willie should be crass and crude, Penn makes him sneaky and sleazy, having more than his share of bad hair days. And it almost works, particularly since Pawel Edelman photographs Penn from beneath, making him loom larger than he is, and Patrizia Von Brandenstein’s production design evokes an authentic Louisiana of the 1940s, although the original story was set in the Depression-era.

Problem is: because none of the actors manage a convincing Southern dialect, the dialogue is often garbled and distracting. There’s not a shred of believability and, therefore, no emotional investment.

So on the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, All the King’s Men is a ponderous, pretentious 6. Instead of a timeless, relevant political commentary, it just feels discordant and tediously dated.